A private log for tracking your farts — like a fitness tracker, but for
something everyone finds funny and nobody talks about. No sensors. No
gimmicks. You fart, you log it, you get to see the data.
LOG IT IN TEN SECONDS
One tap files an entry. That's the whole flow. No forms to wrestle, no menus
to dig through — the New Entry sheet opens, you rate the damage, you're done.
RATE THE DAMAGE
Four scales, no mercy. Score every entry on Loudness (from Whisper to
Trumpet), Duration, Stench (all the way up to Hazmat), and Relief. Add a
location — auto-tagged from GPS and fully editable — so you always know where
it happened.
WATCH THE TRENDS
The Stats tab is the payoff. Daily, weekly, and monthly counts. Loudness and
stench averages plotted over time. Frequency charts that show which day of
the week got hit hardest. Real color and personality — not a flat gray
dashboard.
BUILD YOUR HALL OF FAME
Personal records worth keeping: Silent But Deadliest, Longest Fart, Busiest
Day. A map of your known spots, ranked by how often each one shows up.
Records are a hall of fame, not a filtered view — they stick around.
MAKE IT GROUP-CHAT OFFICIAL
Auto-generated share cards in three styles — Minimal, Meme, and Certificate
of Achievement. Every card pulls a real stat and location straight from the
entry ("I unleashed a 5/5 loudness in transit"). Send it through the
standard share sheet or save it as an image. No in-app feed, no followers.
PRIVACY-FIRST, NOT FINE PRINT
100% on-device. No account. No ads. No subscription. No third-party servers.
Your data stays on your phone — or syncs across your own devices through your
personal iCloud, only if you turn that on. Export everything to CSV or JSON
whenever you want. Your business is your business.
NO OWL GUILTING YOU
No streaks. No badges. No push notifications nagging you to log. It's a joke
you're in on, not a chore. It just happens to keep really good records.
